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10 lata 2 miesiąc temu #3406 przez admin
Replied by admin on topic Kawały
October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.

Mark Twain

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10 lata 2 miesiąc temu #3407 przez admin
Replied by admin on topic Kawały
A stockbroker says to his colleague, "I don't think this line of work is for you. You just keep losing money all the time."

"You're right," he replied. "My whole life all I've done is lose money".

Next day he comes to work and resigns.

His coworker asks, "What are you going to do for living?"

"I finally figured out how I can make some money from losing money all the time."

"How?"

"I am going to build a web page and take it public."

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10 lata 2 miesiąc temu #3408 przez admin
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A man calls his stockbroker all anxious and out of breath with this urgency in his voice. He says, "Sell it all, sell everything fast, right away."

The stockbroker tries to explain that the market is cyclical in nature and that for long term outlook stocks still remain the place to be.

The man says, "Let me tell you a secret. You know I've been married for 6 years now and I've been your client for 5 years."

"Yes, go on," the stockbroker says.

"Well. My wife has this thing about the market. Her grandparents lost it all in the great crash and ever since then her family found investing in the market akin to original sin. When we got married I promised her that I would follow in her parents footsteps and never venture in the stock market and always leave all our money under the mattress."

"Wow, I didn't know that. I guess you want the money because the market is going down, in case she asks for it."

"No, I want the money because she ordered a new mattress and it is being delivered in two days."

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10 lata 2 miesiąc temu #3409 przez admin
Replied by admin on topic Kawały
A market guru walks into a pizzeria to order a pizza. There the waiter asks him: "Should I cut it into six pieces or eight pieces?"

The guru replies: "I'm feeling rather hungry right now. You'd better cut it into eight pieces."

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10 lata 2 miesiąc temu #3410 przez admin
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A long time ago, a visitor from out of town came to a tour in Manhattan. At the end of the tour they took him to the financial district. When they arrived to Battery Park the guide showed him some nice yachts anchoring there, and said, "Here are the yachts of our bankers and stockbrokers." "And where are the yachts of the investors?" asked the naive visitor.

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10 lata 2 miesiąc temu #3411 przez admin
Replied by admin on topic Kawały
A young stockbroker decided to take a day off and visit some of his professors in his old school. When he made his way into the entrance he noticed a dog was attacking a small child. He quickly grabbed the dog and throttled it with his two hands.

The next day the local newspaper reported the story with the headline, "Valiant student saves boy from ferocious dog".

The stockbroker called the editor and strongly suggested that a correction be issued and that the paper will tell the readers he was a successful Wall Street broker and not a student.

The next day the newspaper issued a correction and the headline read, "Pompous stockbroker kills school mascot".

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10 lata 2 miesiąc temu #3412 przez admin
Replied by admin on topic Kawały
How many stockbrokers does it take to change a light bulb?
"My God! It burnt out!! Sell all my G.E. stock NOW!!!"
Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).

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10 lata 2 miesiąc temu #3432 przez admin
Replied by admin on topic Kawały
Investment advice

If you had bought $1000.00 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

If you had bought $1,000.00 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the 10 cent deposit, you would have $214.00.

Based on the above, my current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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10 lata 2 miesiąc temu - 10 lata 2 miesiąc temu #3433 przez admin
Replied by admin on topic Kawały
The Porsche of the stockbroker

A successful stockbroker parked his brand-new Porsche in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and tore off the door on the driver's side. The stockbroker immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the stockbroker started screaming hysterically. His Porsche, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined. When the stockbroker finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can not believe how materialistic you stock brokers are," the cop said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the stockbroker. The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." "My God!" screamed the stockbroker. "My Rolex!"
Ostatnia10 lata 2 miesiąc temu edycja: admin od.

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10 lata 2 miesiąc temu #3434 przez admin
Replied by admin on topic Kawały
The bank robbery

Two stock brokers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in, waving guns and yelling for everyone to freeze. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the two stock brokers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables. While this is going on, one of the stock brokers jams something into the other stockbroker's hand. Without looking down, the second stockbroker whispers: "What is this?" The first stockbroker : "It's the $100 I owe you!"

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